Athlete to Muggle.

When I arrived on campus at Boise State my freshman year I heard an odd reference differentiating the student-athletes to…well… the non-student-athletes. The utterance of the word “muggle” was tossed around like I should know the reference beyond just the Harry Potter series. A “muggle” at Boise State was the term given to students who didn’t play a sport on campus. Pretty simple. I remember one instance when we had to have a sit-down meeting on the topic with our head RA regarding how demeaning referring to non-student-athletes as muggles was. The ironic thing was more often than not it was the so called “muggles” who referred to themselves as such. Well, two years post “student-athlete” life and I now can classify myself as a muggle and let me tell you it’s been a struggle (muggle/struggle… you see what I did there).

Anyways, when I was deep into my senior season as a student-athlete I will never forget the conversation I had with my weight coach. On some random day, I’m pretty positive it was a day when pull-ups were included in the workout, I jokingly made a comment about how my freedom was only a few months away. My weight coach laughed at my comment (per usual because I’m quite the riot) and then got really serious and told me that the change to “non-student-athlete” life was going to be hard for me to deal with. I’m pretty sure I laughed in his face and continued with the pull-ups I so desperately didn’t want to complete. When you’re in the thick of things, like approaching the end of my athletic career with 4 collegiate seasons under my belt, it’s easy to think that there must be something better waiting on the other side. I was looking forward to sleeping in, going out and not being worried about the hangover the next day, or simply not having to cram my homework into a few days before traveling to the next competition. But I think that’s with everything in life, we never stop to appreciate the stage we’re in until it’s over.

The beginning of the retired life was a dream. I think I partied more those few short months before graduation then I had over the entire 4 years (sorry mom and dad). I made new friends and created so many memories while also reaping the benefit of still being in shape from season without really having to do much to maintain it. The summer blew by and nothing seemed all that different. I still had a year (so I thought) left to obtain my masters degree, so staying in Boise and living in an insanely nice apartment was the plan for the next 8 months. However, once August hit and not all of my former teammates returned for the annual before school and training celebration, I became sad. I refrain from using the word depressed because depression and mental health is a serious condition and one that I don’t find myself battling on a daily basis. I can’t even begin to understand everything that depression embodies so sad is going to be the word for me.

In that first-year post student-athlete life I found myself fully understanding why I thrived in that type of environment. I enjoyed working out and doing so to obtain a goal or to get better at a skill. I had never “worked out” just to “workout.” I know that sounds odd… but let me break it down. For instance, I was that insane high schooler who went to a trainer ASAP after class and begged for my workout to be formed around improving my hurdle on the board. I didn’t go into workouts thinking that I would get “ripped” (even though that was a bonus) but more for the benefit it would give my athletic performance. I also had the luxury of working out with 4 ladies beside me who were just as committed to obtaining a goal and bettering themselves as I was. I had a weight coach who legit knew my strengths (haha of course he knew my strengths) and weakness and what movements my body could handle and others I needed to modify. I can still say that I STRUGGLE working out now that I’m no longer a student-athlete. I lack motivation, feel like no one really holds me accountable, and find myself overthinking when I’m at the gym. I once had a trainer tell me that the gym is the last place you should overthink. Well, that sucks because I’ve been so wired to workout to obtain maximum benefits in relation to my sport that I question whether or not each pairing I’m doing actually goes together and if my posture is correct. If anything, that has been the greatest hurdle I still have yet to overcome post collegiate athlete life.

I think something that I thought I’d love but find myself hating is all the free time I have. The one thing I was looking forward to post student-athlete life was being able to make my own schedule. Think about it, I truly can’t remember a time in my life while I’ve been in competitive sports where I’ve gotten to choose when I do things. When I did gymnastics in Owatonna, the drive began right after school with a quick pit-stop at Subway and that was my night. When I joined club diving at the University of Minnesota, I had to give my parents a heads up regarding how much homework I had received during the school day to determine if they would drive me up so I could complete it before practice. I’m not trying to do a woe is me, even though it sounds like it, but the reality is the thing that I chose was to make that my life. I was happy and I had the most supportive parents who always arranged their schedules to accommodate mine. I now recognize that I don’t excel with free time. I’m honestly a lazy pile when I have free time. Binge watch shows, check, push off homework (hence the reference to the masters degree taking longer than a year to complete), you betcha, I seriously suck at being “available.”

Last but not least, the culture. My college coach once said you surround yourself with people who share the same morals and values as your own. Now that I’ve been removed for two years I’ve never understood that statement more. On a team of 25 to 28 ladies from all across the United States from all different religions and backgrounds we all had so much in common. We were all hardworking, goal orientated, driven, smart, and most importantly all chose to come to Boise State University to compete for the Broncos. I made lifelong friends who were my former teammates during those 4 years and I’m so grateful for that. I was placed in an environment where every single person wants you to succeed. My professors, coaches, teammates, alumni, BSU athletic staff and even the community all want to give you the tools to not only make you a better student-athlete in the pool but a person outside of it. I thank Boise State for providing me the space to grow and determine who and what I want to be, but I think I still have some work to do.

I now realize why the non-student-athletes so graciously referred to themselves as muggles. College gave them the space to make their own schedules, figure out how to maintain good grades without weekly check-ins, stay in shape without a weight coach creating a personalized workout and make friends without having a sport to begin the connection. I would never go back in time and change a thing because choosing to go to Boise State and compete for the Broncos was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my 24 years of life. However, now that I’m a muggle, I have to figure all that other stuff out for myself.

-iKarli