The Dirty South - A Memoir.

According to Urban Dictionary, Albert Lea is defined as “a crappy small town in southern Minnesota at the cross between major highways I-35 and I-90 home to mostly rednecks and druggies.” This is where I grew up. Before you paint a picture in your head of my childhood surrounded my sex, drugs, and rock & roll (aka Johnny Holmes Band) I must set the record straight.

I like to think that Albert Lea is similar to an on again off again boyfriend. In the beginning of the relationship you have the honeymoon stage, I feel this is where my childhood lived. When I was younger let’s say preschool through elementary Albert Lea was legit. I grew up in a neighborhood surrounded by kids who were always down to hang out and play “house” with me but also an amazing Parks and Rec program. My mom refers to Lakeview Park as my brothers and I’s daycare during the summer because my parents actually spent most summers backpacking across Europe rather than taking care of us. Kidding. But the Park was within biking (pedal not motor) distance from my house and we were there from sun up to sun down. Botch hockey tournaments, water balloon fights, keychain making, and mancala matches taught me valuable life lessons. I can honestly say without the Park, and the occasional rock on ice, I don’t know whether Albert Lea and I would have fallen in love in the first place. However, all celebrity relationships come with rough patches.

I like to think my middle school years was the stage in my on again off again relationship with Albert Lea when we break up…for the first time of many. Once the honeymoon phase dies down my middle school years was where you start noticing the things that really annoy you about your significant other, in this case Albert Lea. During middle school everyone is SUPER mature (lies) and the only thing that kept me going was looking forward to our school dances. Albert Lea is an awkward place when you’re in middle school because you can no longer go to the Parks or rock on ice without feeling insanely old, you can’t drive yet, and apart from sports (which suck during middle school) there isn’t much to do. I vaguely remember multiple trips to Alpha Orthodontics and hearing each morning over the school intercom “make it a great day or not the choice is yours.”

Alright, now we’ve arrived at high school which I like to relate to as the stage in this on again off again relationship where you decide you can be “friends.” I remember falling back in love with Albert Lea during pep rallies, Friday night football games, homecoming festivities, dances, sporting events, and watching Tiger Vision each morning. However, I also remember realizing that there is no way this “relationship” was going to last during cell phone confiscations, every prom people being busted with minors, and simply not much to do. My nights usually consisted of “clipping the lake” jamming to music with friends. For the non-Albert Lea people reading this “clipping the lake” is basically where we got in our car and simply drove around the lake. It’s actually pretty self-explanatory.

Once I graduated and decided to attend college in Idaho, random I know, my on again off again relationship with Albert Lea decided to try long-distance. The saying goes that distance makes the heart grow fonder and in this case I’d have to agree. Whenever I went home from college it was around major holidays. There is nothing like major holiday gatherings with old friends then the ones in AL. Hitting the local bars and waking up the next morning with a splitting headache was always something to look forward to when heading home. However, it was in college away from the small-town of AL that I realized that it’s not such a bad place after all.

My mom always says, “if it’s meant to be it will be” and I feel this refers to this on again off again relationship I have with AL. After leaving Albert Lea I began remembering the things that I truly loved about growing up in that town. I feel sorry for kids that I meet who didn’t know everyone in their graduating class by name. I love how close knit the community is and how everyone, well almost everyone, has each other’s back and is willing to support one another. The people in Albert Lea enjoy having a good time, obviously, but are also hardworking individuals who believe family truly comes first. I can’t predict the future of how my relationship with Albert Lea will turn out, but for now I guess you could say we’re friends with benefits.

-iKarli